Beat Alcoholism

I haven't posted on here in a long time, but I wanted to write about my ongoing struggle with alcoholism. I think distracting myself is key. I don't really have any friends so I need to keep somehow occupied in my free time. The cravings always come strongest at night because that is when I'm used to taking a drink, quietly and alone. I've tried easing off the booze by tapering off my doses, but I can't really do that since once I have a drink, I want more, like I'm feeding an insatiable beast that hasn't had its fill.

I think the physical cravings are abetted by the intense boredom, loneliness and hopelessness I feel toward life. I can't really imagine anything positive coming of my life, like I can't imagine finding a career I could enjoy. I love to write and play music but I don't think I could realistically make a living doing either. I want to be away from everything and make a new start, but I don't think I can until I get some sort of vocational training so I'll get to be independent. I think the first and most important priority however is getting myself off booze.

The physical cravings manifest themselves in a constant, nagging dull headache. Advil nor Tylenol make it feel better; it's the kind of headache that craves alcohol and it must be enough alcohol. If I drank 2 beers right now, it wouldn't fix the craving; it would give me alcoholic's equivalent of blue balls. I drank heavily last night but will have none tonight, day 1 of sobriety. I took some advice from another blog and put the money I'd spend on booze aside in a jar so I could see what I'm saving.